I’d like to just feel happy, I wish I could switch my thoughts off. The fact you don’t want me anymore runs round and round my head on a loop. You really loved me but now you don’t. I know I’m not the first and definitely not the last to get dumped but it’s making me feel exhausted by my thoughts except I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be this girl, I’m trying so hard to get over you. I feel fine and then all of a sudden I’m crying and the fact that you don’t want me anymore, kills me all over again. I want it all to stop. I love you so much but it’s absolutely killing me.
I am getting there, happier I mean, sort of. One of my friends is now in the same unfortunate situation and it’s actually helping me to see the light. Right now she’s at the “Oh no I can’t make pasta, he and I always ate pasta together” stage. This also went for toast, pitta bread w/ dip and pringles. Basically the sudden onset of being dumped has rendered her completely carb free due to his involvement with anything remotely containing wheat/yeast/potato. On pointing this out she swiftly reminded me that after not eating for nearly a week I lived on butterscotch angel delight alone when it first happened. Oh happy memories- completely true. But really, 2 months ago I couldn’t function. At all and I thought I would never be right again. Now I’m not happy, I’m far from it and I wish I was with him right this minute but I’m alive, I can eat again, I can actually laugh. Sleep is another thing entirely but I’m working on that. I have days when I feel like I can’t face the world and I’m dragging myself through memories of our plans and promises and the life I thought I was “meant to have”, but really, life is going on, completely different to how I expected it to be but I’m smiling again. I had to part ways with angel delight, way too much of a good thing but it helped me through the worst of it. I hope that any of you who are going through a break up can see some small positive, even if it’s tiny. Do something for you, be brave and hold it all together even when things feel really tough. If you want to cry then go ahead and cry, I sure do. But if you want to laugh, then laugh, run then run, sing then sing,
achieve world peace. You see where I’m going. I have a little more courage than I did a few months ago. It’s helping me through.