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I think sometimes when you are surrounded by people that love you, you realise that you are lonely and then, if you’re me you’ll scorn at yourself for feeling that way. It’s such an odd contradiction. Sometimes I am so inside my own head that it exhausts me. I don’t really want to tell people how I feel, or what I think. If you really want to escape a particular thought, you won’t. You don’t. It will consume this tiny part of you that’s trying to get away from whatever this particular thought may be. I’m not lonely when I’m surrounded by people, it’s like self-inflicted loneliness because I don’t want to talk to any of them. I want sleep, I want to get in bed and sleep and I’ve too much to do. I want to know that eventually this thought will go away, because it’s every single day without fail and I’m tired. I miss people I knew in my past and I don’t appreciate the people that want to be around me right now. I’ll push you away if you want me and try to keep you when you don’t. I hate myself for that. Self-inflicted emotions are a destructive way to live your life. Especially when I’ve no idea why this is still the way I am.

6:00 PM on Thursday 14th June 2012 with 162 notes and Comments

tagged: mixed tense and blah

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I do the same thing.
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