I will reply to messages and I’ll be posting again tomorrow. Just had a little mental health break because everything is feeling far bigger than me at the moment.
I want to be a positive person. I want you to look at me and think ‘Wow she is fucking glorious’. I want to use big, powerful words to describe myself. I want to be magnificent, tremendous… I want to seize the day, grind it into dust and build myself a castle. I want to see the light and enjoy what I’m doing, basking in its rays. I am bright, I get excellent grades when I can concentrate, I want to work on the process of writing something without it becoming such a huge deal. There is nothing stopping me apart from myself and I’m working on that. I want a day when I think ‘Do you know what? Be fucking proud of yourself and show yourself off, who cares if for one day you seem like you’re completely in love with yourself? So what? Most days you pick yourself apart for no reason other than you can’t shake this damn negative cycle you have going on. I want to be the girl you first met, but more importantly I want to be this powerful bad ass version of myself because I deserve to be. I want to fake confidence until it becomes me. I want bad days to fear me because I’m going to write, paint, bake, make things with my hands and banish the bad days because my creativity can overcome them. It is nothing to some people to get out of bed in the morning and I applaud that, your confidence shakes me to my core. I wish it were contagious. I am in admiration of those who overcome their struggles and I am in awe of the stories I hear of others who are defeating their demons. I want to be a story to be proud of, I want to get out of bed and shake off the doom and be a voice for myself. I want to rise above part-time people and surround myself with those who make me stronger. I want to be a positive person for someone to draw their strength from.
I want I want, I want, I want. I will, I will, I will.
When someone dies, why does your brain have to immediately think of every single question you should of asked and didn’t?
I miss you so much that it makes my chest ache.